#1 Be honest

If you have somebody new with you right now after your recently-ended relationship (whether official, fling, flirt-partner, MU, or whatever you may be calling what you have), then you can relate with my first step to moving on: being honest.

You just found out about the truth about what happened after your last relationship ended (in my case, he already found somebody new, which is also the reason why we never got back together). Surely you have been bothered for days. After much stalking, emotional tweets and clingy night-outs and heart-to-heart with girl friends, you still haven't decided what you really feel and want. But since you are presently dating a guy who isn’t supposed to know what happened because you have been acting all happy when you are with him, you need to get intact with your emotions soon.

You might not think you are ready yet, but you should start thinking about how to tell your present guy, especially if he has become important to you or you are seeing yourself with him a few years more (if not for life yet).

For me, I figured this afternoon would be the perfect time to tell Jake what has been happening behind his back since I found out about Matty and his new girl. Yet, the spontaneous activities and happy feelings of this day made me conclude that I wouldn't push through with "the talk" today so as not to ruin the happy memories. But God made me realize that it needed to happen now.

As I was busy keeping my things and arranging my finances for the week, I didn’t notice Jake browsing through my phone. We never kept our phones private; in fact, until now, I did not have any conversations to hide. But he read a conversation I had with a friend and had a gut feel of what I have been going through. I was caught off-guard, but I needed to be honest with him, even if I was not prepared. I told him everything I could.

End of "the talk", there was no concrete "leave or stay" decision, but we were satisfied. In fact, I did not want to let go and go to sleep in fear that when I wake up tomorrow, everything will change. But at least I have one heavy thought off my mind.

This is why you need to be honest with your present guy, because sooner or later he will find out (hello, your tweets and FB statuses?). Yes, you are scared, I was too. But you should know that if he bitches out on you or doubts you after you become totally honest with him (not unless you do want to get back with your Ex, which is a completely different scenario), you may not really be meant for each other.

In my case, Jake was understanding. He offered to give me space but I still haven’t decided whether I really need it or not.

So there, we are done with our first step to moving on: being in the clear with our present about what has come back from the past, about how it has made me feel, and about what you want to do about it.